I feel myself being like torn apart, between the realistic and stubborn me. Had been thinking lots recently, after being rejected by NUS medicine. The first three words that came across my mind after moonie helped me check the results was like "wo hao lan!". Haha, just feel my self-confidence have been diminishing for the past few years. Kept thinking what have I really achieved in these past 19 years, other than joining the blind rat race to achieve good results, have a great CCA and CIP record... I guess that's about it. I haven't really done anything that I really wanted to do, and I felt myself just becoming a person who can only study..

Even thought of considering doing medicine in australia cos I'm not sure whether I can let go of my dreams of doing medicine. Kind of hard to let go after going for the NCC attachment and seeing for myself what I may possibly be doing in future. But I guess even if my parents are willing to pay, I won't be able to study in peace thinking of the additional burden that I will be imposing on my parents when it is like time for them to retire and enjoy life. Sigh, so I guess my only option is just to accept the fact that most likely I won't become a doctor. The funny thing is that the thing that really made me give up the thought of doing medicine in australia was when watching wang quan yu le. They were doing a special report on how artistes unite together in times of natural disasters to raise funds. Looking at the different people experiencing all these natural disasters, especially the Sichuan earthquake and Myanmar cyclone, I find myself qian bian for sitting down there and complaining about giving up medicine when I am able to get a place in a local uni and get a proper education. Haha, guess I shall stop complaining and just accept that fact and get on with life..=)

Piano diploma is giving me a headache, the fact that I haven't memorised my programme, or rather I can't even play the notes smoothly irritates me lots. Plus not considering the amount of work I have to put in to prepare for viva voce and programme notes. And there's still sight reading to think about!! Bleah, I think I'm going to die horribly for the exam and waste that 600 plus bucks paid for the exam. Shall have to jia you lots more!!